I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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