is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
