i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Did you just see the Batmobile???
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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