I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
