Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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