Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
