my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
