Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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