There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
