And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
