I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
