I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
