i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My life is pants optional.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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