you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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