Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am spending my child support on dildos
it was like eating out sand paper
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
