you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
