I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
