So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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