What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
