ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
