That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
