shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
