sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize