I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
