So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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