he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
