how can u be prego again
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
