she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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