I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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