I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
