you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
