Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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