I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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