i permit you to call me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize