Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
