how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have fence marks all over my body
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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