Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
