where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
