I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
