Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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