you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize