I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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