You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
