I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
