the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
my poor anus
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
