I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
