So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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