So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
