just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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