I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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