I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
