Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
