I looked at my own cervix.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
