I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
