No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
