she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You are a genius and a whore.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
