Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
