It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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