he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
