I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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