My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
