i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
