I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
