He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
