Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
