I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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