I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize