Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
