Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Randomize
