I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
organizing the empties. That sober.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
