Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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