come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i dont even know how to be here
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
