All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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