I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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