i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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