i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize