I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
